Which makes this all the more difficult. She still contacts him. Many times, when there is a disconnect between the two people in a marriage, one of them will seek comfort and validation from another person. But he also has good qualities that I admire, like his patience and kindness at times. So the decision will be considering for children life only and the best for them financially. If youre not happy with your spouse and you tried everything to make it work, then who are you fooling? I love my husband, but I got very close to someone at work. I cannot live without texting and hearing from him. So now back to today, this guy Ive spoken to is giving me attention and I think about all the things my husband has put my through and Im torn because on one side I have my husband who Ive built a life with has messed up on me throughout the years and took me to find out about his mess ups and tried to deny them and then on the other side I feel that I really do have someone who values me, wants to accept my children as his own, he has a daughter that I easily love as my own. Our relationship started fifteen years ago with a friendship and after we lost contact for a few years we met again and started a loose romance from which she got pregnant with our first child. Once things got extremely out of hand he decided he didnt want anything to do with me or our child. I feel obligated to try to make my marriage work, but there doesnt seem to be any desire. He spends more time on his phone and computer than with us. My marriage has its problems, but overall, my husband is wonderful. If I had it my way I would just live alone and carry on relationships safely so Im not dependent on anyone but Im terrified of how that would hurt my family. Im scared to tell the hubby i want to end our marriage for some time now. There are so many questions that arisewhen you love someone else, but my goal is to help you zero in on the path that would ensure the most well-being in your life. First and foremost, I want you to know that you are not alone. Very torn. be to take a step back and really analyze what you want. Thank you for your message and your interesting point! We have a strong friendship but our physical relationship is bad. Right before I left my spouse threw a huge tantrum where he was punching Walls and he jumped out the car while I was driving. I feel as now we are acting like roommates and not husband and wife. In order to keep the peace I had to lie and say that I would stick around and I sent him videos to encourage him to get help and see someone for therapy. She practices in Nottingham. So that is why it is important to think about the long-term consequences, or in other words, what happens later on down the road. We started by outlining how their distance began, and discovered that a lot of what frustrated him in his marriage was feeling undervalued. We separated (even though we continued to talk everyday and spend time together) and he met this girl on bumble a couple of days after leaving. I tried to find reasons to meet this man again and again and I did found but I became totally dependent on him to be happy. I have been married for 4 years now with 2kids. The simple association with it is enough to spark a persons dislike. I want to move out, file for divorce so that we can be together but I know that doesnt make logical sense. issue within your relationship that needs to be addressed. No intimacy, no affection and absolutely no making love for the past year and a half. 3. He went on military operations outside my country and unfortunately I was raped and became pregnant. I had a good friend(married) for last 7 years and everything was perfect in life. Although i dont know if it will help my situation much. There are also free resources specifically designed for these types of situations. I love my husband dearly and have fought to keep my marriage for 9 years. One of the keys for maintaining the bond between you and your significant other is showing them that you are genuinely interested in them. I respect him for being the father of my children, but the love is not there. Just by being ourselves. When you are married and falling in love with someone else, it means that there was something substantial missing in your relationship with your husband or your wife. about it, and whether you truly believe that this is the person for you. But I just feel so gulity because Im going to break up with my boyfriend partner of 17years and the bottom line is Paul loves me and i am so scared not too leave him because I know I dont love him anymore we are more like room mates but he would disagree with that i will make him cry and I do dread what he would do without me in his life. O my luve's like a red, red rose . I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. You probably never meant for it to happen. Hi guys, if you need help to get back your ex lovers or want any help whatsoever, you can email Lord Zakuza on Lordzakuza7 @ gmail. Im married and also in love with another man who happens to be my teenage boyfriend about 26yrs ago. I know its a mutual attraction and its exciting. But Im just so freaking unhappy, and I cant explain it very well to others. When I talk to her she give a me this feeling like when we were together and she knows everything about me because we were friends before lovers. At first I would answer with very friendly like responses,however, now we seem to have developed a physical and emotional relationship again, and my feelings have all come back. Though you might be feeling, Im so in love with you when you think about your over, you must also think about the effect it will have on your spouse and any children you may have. Keep your friendship with your lover because friendship is long lasting than any love. I want this co-workers attention and I get it, so I feel guilty. I both want it and dont want it. Ive spoken to my wife about our dwindling relationship and she has certainly made more of an effort recently- however Im struggling to find a reconnection to my wife. Wishing you all the best, Wow its the best to work out things with your husband because the most affected will be the children in case of a separation and no grantee that that new love will not fade anyway . Movies. I need help.. My husband and I have always been very close. It happens. It feels like my marriage is done, and we are just married for 1 year. Thinking of you made me feel so blue, for you love her, and I'm in love with you. I do agree with all of the ideas youve presented in your post. So now Im stuck in a marriage I hate. Your partner wants to be supported by you so If you talk to them about what they are interested in, they will feel valued and will value you in return. He just continues to do whatever he wants. That person has now walked away to sort out his own life leaving me with a broken heart. What if you choose to cut ties with the person you fell in love with and return to your spouse could you repair the damage? Plus we have a lot of the same interests. I warn against this because when you leave one person for another, you do not give yourself time to mourn and heal from the previous relationship, and it places a huge amount of pressure on your new significant other. The best part is that this can also inspire him to want to pursue you even more, because youre not diving into his arms the moment you can. Wishing you all the best! No spam, notifications only about news, events and updates. My husband is an amazing man, amazing father, but we have different needs and wants. Last week, she decided to leave me, only to already regret it after one night we spent in separate bedrooms and ask for a little more time When you aremarried and falling in love with someone else, it means that there was something substantial missing in your relationship with your husband or your wife. My daughter is still living at home with him although hes not her biological dsuvyqe and hes helping us financially, if I have a problem with my vehicle he tells me what I may need to do. If you aremarried and have fallen in love with someone else, it is crucial that you are very honest with yourself from here on out. You caught me off guard and took me by surprise, but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your eyes. And when I saw your soul, it took every ounce of me . My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. But you really have 4 important choices to consider when you're married. all you have to is get in touch with me or a member of my team. I really love her, with all my heart. The way I always felt about my kids mother has always been there and I always told myself that If I could be with her again I would. How long before moving in together? This is a question Ive been asked time and time again throughout my coaching sessions, and its no surprise! Married, But Constantly Thinking About Someone Else There are four options if you find yourself thinking of someone else and are debating about or have already had an affair: End the affair with that other woman or man, and fix things with your marriage Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with that someone And this one really helped. To access it, just click here. By the way, Ive only been married 5 years. The alternative is, if you do feel you want to work at this and you do have interest to still pursue the partner, we have various options on how to move forward. I felt excited about Chris but not about my husband, and thats when I realized that something was wrong. And last night, my guy told me, he just wants me to be honest with myself and to not let other people treat me as a doormat and put myself first. I have not lived my spouse for about 6 years. Others have chosen toput their marriage back together, and have been very happy. I talk to him but when hes made up his mind it doesnt matter what anyone says. Hi Ro, thank you for sharing your story. When you got married to your husband or your wife, you thought that you were in it for the long haul and that the love that existed between you would never be threatened. He also has erectial issues and cannot perform except for 2 minutes and then its over. About a year ago I left on business and it was about 11 months long. He of course got extremely upset and it was more ups and downs where he would say I understand then cuss me out. continuing like you probably are now "married but in love with someone else.") Decide to end your marriage to be with your affair partner-marrying them or not. I ended up marrying someone else, and it was after this that we actually became close friends. But then again, if she decides to save our marriage, do I know, that she really is happy with her decision? I know Im a bit kinky so I tried to suggest soft things. The only person holding me back to stay in this marriage passed away 2 yrs ago (my mom). He has been back and forth with this girl for 3 months now. How long for children to grow up then I can leave, when every day is so unacomplished and unfulfilled just because I am married to someone so different than my way of living life.Any thoughts you have, I would really appreciate. You still feel a form of love and attachment to your spouse (otherwise you might not be reading this article right now), but at the same time you are drawn to this new person. Which I didnt want but I didnt want to keep fighting anymore and being told horrible things. The problem that we experience in our society is that we are not given a proper education about love as we are growing up. I knew I was not happy in my marriage; that there were things missing, and that I was very, very lonely and had been for a long time. I never talked to my friends or family about this because I chose to stay with him and didnt want people to view him differently or myself as pathetic for staying. This heartache makes me want to cry, but instead of tears, I express it with a sigh, for I don't want them to see " To My Dear and Loving Husband " by Anne Bradstreet. You have to TRY to save your marriage because trust me, it is not going to be saved by accident. Everything would be perfect if one, or both of you, wasn't MARRIED. I am in love with another man who makes me feel alive again, happy again. There have been fights and tensions, and it becomes easy for someone to let go of the love that used to exist. We seem to either be thinking the same thing a lot, but we also have different strengths that seem to compliment each other. You can never force it, but once it arrives and settles in, you need to actively preserve it if you dont want it to go anywhere. One of the keys to living a gratifying life is treat people the way that we want to be treated, and if you want your partner to make you feel important, you need to make them feel important too and do it sincerely. I just want the guy Ive wanted since forever but I feel selfish too. You hugged me tightly. To work with us, you can click here. If you choose to leave a marriage, it should primarily be because you have decided to set out on a new path towards well-being (not another person). So let me be very clear about something. If you think your love is true, give it sometime because it is better to live together then go away. He didnt push me or force me into anything and it felt so Surreal that I questioned everything. With time, youll both start feeling, Im so in love with you and your bond can become stronger than ever. I was devastated and had no option than to hide away from him. So if youve chosen to restore your relationship with your spouse, lets take a look some of the most powerful tools that you can start implementing today! He has told me he does not feel in love with me. In order to become a good listener, you have to really care about what your partner is saying. I guess that it. Despite your desires, you still might be reluctant to get divorced so that you . Together we can work on reaching your goal by providing you with a clear-cut action plan that has been tailor-made to fit your relationship, your situation, and your specific needs. I have nightmares constantly if someone taking advantage of me and Im not able to move. My therapist suggested couples therapy but he doesnt want that. I can also recommend a program we have created to help people move on from an unhappy marriage with grace and peace of mind. Start to reintroduce romance and quality time spent together. All the time follow your heart. Your joy has and always will be IN YOU. He either speaks frankly of his married life or avoids any mention of it. So I often dont say anything. Sorry for my bad English.. Im Dutch. I dont want to lose my children but my spouse always argues with me in front of the kids. Its also important to note that if something deeper than friendship is brewing between you and your friend and you want to save your marriage, you will need to put space between you. Prior to meeting my husband almost 6 years ago, I was in a very hot/cold relationship with someone for 7 years. I dont want to lose that! When you got married, you probably thought you were in it for the long term and that your love for your spouse would last forever. When that bond begins to weaken, the relationship becomes vulnerable to outside factors that can damage it further. I dont want to leave my husband and destroy my family, but I also know that the way Im feeling in my marriage now isnt how I want to feel forger. Hello there, we are so happy to read that this article helped! 23 Signs of a Married Man in Love with Another Woman 1. Ive spent the past 18 years striving to be the perfect mom and corporate wife but I am afraid that I might have been faking it the whole time because I thought, This is as good as its going to get. He also has not been home to see the kids in 6 months. Im feeling like a train wreck. We are here to help you if you would like to reach out to us, you can just click here. Just because a woman is married, it doesn't mean you can't fall in love with her. This article will provide you with tools for analyzing your feelings and getting a better idea of what you truly want, and then I will explain some tools to help you reach your goal and be truly happy in love. I decided at that point after a 2hr pnico/anxiety attack that I couldnt take it anymore. My situation goes like this. Your email address will not be published. my husband been cheating on me for the past year she says she not going any where and says he says he loves her and he is not letting me go no divorce .he is torn between the both of us what can i do to keep him from seeing her he tries ignore her calls but she finds her way to his job and where he hangs out that is where they meet up at. What do I do? Hi Kj, it would appear that youre willing to move on from your relationship with your boyfriend of 2 years. Unfortunately, the relationship with your spouse has become toxic. I feel like me and my kids mother were meant to be and she makes me feel wanted and loved and I cant control the way I feel about her . But i fell in love with this guy. We'll never know the future but I'm sure we can make one. Movies. I would encourage you to spice things up with your husband and challenge yourselves to try new things (both sexually and non-sexually). I think even if he started treated me right, Id still want my bestie, because it feels like hes the other half of me. We talked and he expressed his needs and I have changed everything that he has asked to show my devotion to our marriage. Also my libido is a lot higher then his, I love to experiment and try new things. More Classic Wedding Poems. One day this summer he layed his hand on my knees saying I have great legs. If you can make people feel important in a genuine way, then you can really reinforce the bond between you. I always knew that love would come find me someday, but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way. The heart is a definitely complicated thing. So when Im feeling bad I often feel alone, I cant really talk about it with him. The result is that the more exhausted you become, the harder it is to see things clearly. Your heart might be screaming, "I'm married but in love with another man," very loudly. That way we can ask you specific questions that will help us to determine the right plan of action. You are still married to your spouse, but somebody is coming to your life that has sparked very intense feelings of love. I cant stop loving this man. Now we have maybe once a month sex. Hi Sagittarius, first of all, your English is great! She knows all that, we talk about it all, since she told me. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. I dont think hes ever cheated because I get the vibe that he feels like he can get away with whatever since has never cheats. Menu. I have become so numb to the situation that sometimes I do believe the things he says. We wish you the best of luck! I wonder if weve left our relationship for too long and now someone else has come along that makes it all the more clear. Its hard bc I dont want to live without him, but also dont want him to be with me if he cannot be committed. Hi there, you will have to make a choice to focus on one relationship. My situation is Ive been married for 3 years and been with my spouse for 12 years now. Hi, All Rights Reserved. I am not sure what I want; I am beyond confused and I also, just want to disappear. Theyre very convincing and will definitely work. Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. What I can do, however, is provide you with some pointers on how to ask yourself honest questions that will allow you to get more clarity in terms of what you truly want to do. When you're married but in love with someone else, your emotions are likely all over. I have thought about being direct with my coworker and ending it, but its also a friendship I just dont want to lose. I want to save my marriage, my family, I want to be the man, who makes her happy and I understand, that it got so far, because I took our relationship for granted and didnt invest enough in it. Some people do not believe you can truly and fully love more than one person at a time. He doesnt know how to support me during this time with all the complexity of an ending marriage I was already checked out of, but living together, not yet divorced etc. When i met my husband, i cut off all contact with my Ex. I know that in the long run my best friend would make me happier. Wishing you all the best, I know that it is a very tough spot to be in, but it seems that you already know what you want to do. It has highlighted a lot more of the issues in my marriage. If you are still feeling unsure about how youre going to get to the other side of this situation and find true happiness,all you have to is get in touch with me or a member of my team. I am ready to change that. This drives me crazy! I just dont know what to do anymore and the other guy has disappeared. It went awful, he went full on panic and defensive mode, and I just didnt know what to say anymore. How do you navigate new love? Get personalized recommendations, and learn where to watch across hundreds of streaming providers. I hate myself for wanting to be with someone else as well as my husband. His work requires him to be out of the country and home once a year for like a month or 2, then he leaves us again. It can be a challenging period, but if you take some time for yourself to heal and find clarity, you will find that this becomes easier. Sometimes this happens because people get lazy and too comfortable in the relationship, but other times it happens because things have been going downhill in the relationship for quite some time. Recently by complete accident I rekindled a relationship with someone I used to know via skype chat and we begun talking in the phone too. How to make your boyfriend miss you: The EASIEST way! So nobody will understand.. and Im thinking Im crazy and its all on me. Id also like to mention that weve created tailor-made products to help yourestore the attractionin your relationship with your spouse should you choose to restore your marriage. I love this man so much with all my soul. You have to be able to think about also what makes you happy. To give you an idea, here are the 5 love languages: These are words that are used to build a person up, reassure them about your love for them, and show them how much they mean to you. but I have different concept. I have also worked with people who made a choice only to regret it bitterly a few years down the line. I wrote a lengthy article onwhen to get a divorce, and if you are feeling very unsure about whether or not you should leave this marriage I highly encourage you to read it. Physical touch is quite straight forward and we all know that it is a powerful way to communicate your love for someone. Lying and lying and lying and then speaking about getting married by church. He doesnt travel much anymore and Im home with him and the kids and I am seeing that I dont like who Im married to. I also feel like I would be living a lie if I continued to stay with my wife knowing that Im still in love with the mother of my kids and deep down inside I really want to be with the mother of my kids but It would crush my wife if I told her .. thats where Im having a problem at cause Id rather just leave my marriage and everything behind and start over not just to be with the mother of my kids but a new start for me. Ive seen this happen many times and a lot of the times it doesnt work it. I dont know what to do anymore. LMFT licensed profesional. What situation puts you most of the risk of experiencing debilitating regrets later on in your life? This means that it needs to be nurtured in order to be kept alive. A way to help you choose